


Don't lose hope. Your great love awaits

by Oumy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternative Perspective, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 21:37:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18039515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oumy/pseuds/Oumy
Summary: Alec finds the younger version of himself when he goes into Jace's mind. He feels the need to share some wisdom that nobody bestowed on him.An alternative scene that takes place before Isabelle and Alec save Jace from Lilith in 3×08. I also changed the ending of that scene for artistic purposes.





	Don't lose hope. Your great love awaits

Alec opened his eyes to see that he and Izzy were now inside the Institute. A more desolate, version that was mostly devoid of color and happiness, but he recognized the corridors and the op center just as well. This was probably where their brother was being tortured right now.

"We must be inside the Institute in Jace's mind", Isabelle said, mimicking his exact thoughts.

"Yes, we don't know what we might find, but stay close. Okay?", he cautioned her.

She nodded her head, and they walked together through the halls, looking for some clue at their brother's whereabouts.

Suddenly, Alec heard a muted noise. He turned his head to check it out, and the second he did, Isabelle was no longer next to him, plucked out of thin air by some inconceivable force.

"Isabelle? Izzy? Iz, where are you?", he intoned urgently.

Silence greeted him, and just as he was about to go about searching for both his siblings at once, another muffled noise emerged from the same direction of the first one. Thinking that it could be Jace, Alec moved cautiously toward the sound, hoping he wasn't being driven into some trap of Lilith's.

The noise led him into a quiet alcove he recognized as the junction between his room and Isabelle's, and he saw the shadow of someone hunched over, quietly murmuring and sniffling.

He made his presence known "Hey there! You okay?", only to get the shock of his life when the face that looked up at him in horror was as familiar as his own. In fact, it  _was_  his own, a face he'd seen in the mirror for years, before he grew into his frame, and lost all the baby acne. 

Out of all the possibilities he'd considered, finding a young version of himself hadn't been anything he'd envisioned going into this, yet there he was, looking into the same hazel eyes he saw every morning. He actually recognized the shirt he was wearing. It was so not his color, and definitely too sizes too big for his slim build. Alec almost smiled. It was eerie that he heard that sentence in Magnus' voice.

His young self was furiously wiping his cheeks, trying to get himself under control, standing and trying to make himself look smaller, hunching his shoulders protectively, and Alec's heart ached, because he knew exactly what was going through his head right then. The fear that he was being perceived as weak and worthless.

He knew it was pointless to try and do anything to change that idea, as this person standing next to him was nothing more than a figment of Jace's imagination, not to mention that he was on a time sensitive mission and Magnus was losing strength fast, but he couldn't just leave him there, scared and alone, for his sake more than anything. He wanted to somehow ease the load, say the words that he wished someone had said to him when he felt the same way, so he took a step closer and asked "Are you okay?"

Young Alec looked around, as if unsure he was being addressed, and said "Um. I'm fine, sir. I just had something in my eye"

Alec almost smiled. Magnus always told him that he was a terrible liar, and in that moment, he was inclined to believe him, not that he'd give Magnus more ammunition by telling him that. He looked at the kid closely and said "Alec, right? How about you actually tell me what's going on with you? I promise it'll be our little secret"

Little Alec just shifted his eyes away and fidgeted in his spot, and God, had he really been that distrustful at that age? It made his determination to say something even greater. So, he eased closer yet, and said "Okay, you don't want to talk about it, and I'm not going to push. But, I'm going to tell you something, and you have to promise me you'll listen. Alright?". He didn't know why he was being so adamant. It's not like he was going back in time and actually telling his young self all this. It was more of a catharsis for his soul, for the young boy he used to be, that had needed someone to turn on the light and show him the way and had found nothing and no one. Well, except for Izzy, but she had always forged her own path, bulldozing through life. she didn't understand the full scope of his loneliness.

Young Alec looked wary and confused, but apparently gave him the benefit of the doubt, because he nodded and settled his spine against the wall of the alcove, clasping his hands behind his back. Alec actually smiled then. Some things never changed, it seemed.

"I want you to know that you'll be alright. I know that sometimes you wonder, and ask yourself if any of it is worth it. You ask yourself if someday, it'll get easier to breathe, and I definitely know that you can't find the answer. I'm here to tell you that it does. One day, you'll wake up and find yourself exactly where you need to be, and you'll open your eyes and the world won't seem so grey"

He took a breath and continued "You're good enough, Alec. I know that you don't hear that enough, what with your mom and dad always harping on your every move, but you are, and one day, someone will see it. Someone is going to look at you and see you instead of see through you. When that man offers you his hand, take it. It'll be the wildest journey you'll ever be on, but God will it be worth the wait. He's going to heal your heart, and mend your trust in the world, and help you find your purpose. You're going to grow and learn so much, and it's not always going to be easy. In fact, there will be moments when it feels darker than most, but light is just around the corner, so keep your head up and look for it. Don't go through life on autopilot, and don't close your heart out to love. It's in your lot, buddy! The greatest love you could ever envision is coming for you, so keep the flame of hope burning, okay? You're going to know what happiness feels like"

Young Alec looked more scared, his wide eyes swimming with unshed tears, as he pushed his frame more firmly into the wall, as if hoping he could disappear.

Alec thought he heard Magnus' voice calling his name, knew his time was up, and he needed to get going, so he stepped back and smiled at the frightened picture of himself he luckily didn't recognize anymore "I have to go now, but remember my words: you're more than enough, and one day you'll know it. Just stay the course and hold on. It gets better. I swear it does"

He turned to leave, then remembered one final thing and turned his head to see the figure of his younger self still cowering against the wall "and Alec, if you feel the need to save your family's honor one day, and the only bright idea you get is to get married", he cringed inwardly, " maybe think it through a bit more than usual, yeah?"

He left a baffled looking boy standing there, and went to look for his siblings, feeling drained but strangely, stronger.

* * *

After saving Jace from his own nightmares and dark thoughts, the Lightwoods return together to Magnus' loft, where Alec is greeted by his smiling boyfriend, who looks positively exhausted. As Isabelle hugs Jace to her chest once more, assuring him that Lilith will no longer get to him, Alec helps Magnus onto the couch, then goes to the side bar to get him a Martini, his favourite remedy for a magic depletion. 

After they get Jace settled in the guest room, Izzy goes back to the Institute to see about Clary's trial and what came of it, and Alec settles on the couch next to Magnus, heaving a weary sigh. Magnus looks at him and asks "You okay?"

Alec looks at him and smiles slightly "Yeah, I'm good"

Magnus just snorts "Yeah, still an awful liar"

Alec turns back to his boyfriend, wide eyed, as realization dawns on him "Magnus, I'm sorry. I know it wasn't the right time or place and you were probably drained by my-"

"Alec, stop. You don't have to apologize for anything", Magnus cuts off his tirade.

He puts his arm around Alec, and gives a long kiss to his temple, his nose nuzzling into Alec's hair. His lips whisper there "I am so fucking proud of you, Alexander"

Alec can feel the smile stretching his face, grabs Magnus' right hand from his hip and presses his lips to his knuckles "I think I'm proud of me too"

**Author's Note:**

> This is what my original idea for [this thread](https://twitter.com/OumyLightwood/status/1103699061696270336?s=19) was, so I figured I might as well write it, mostly thanks to Léa and Max's urging.  
> Thank you Max for thinking up the logistics to make this work <3


End file.
